Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
