Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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