my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
