honey bunches of taint.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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