I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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