yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I just googled if crying burns calories
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
