i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
