and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
