I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
