she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
