I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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