Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
