How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
