Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
