Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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