Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
