Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
