I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
