My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
