I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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