so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
