Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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