TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize