Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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