so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
