I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
FUCK WHALES
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
