I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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