He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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