Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(360): View more from Washington

Let's get naked and see who's stronger.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.

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(217): View more from Illinois

I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.

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(519): View more from Ontario

woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis

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(704): View more from North Carolina

Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.

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(804): View more from Virginia

The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy

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(317): View more from Indiana

We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace

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