i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
