you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
