You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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