What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize