I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
you never un-have a 4some
Randomize