Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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