In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
