Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
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