take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
