I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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