I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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