You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
