I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
