Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
well you can't waste a boner
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
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