When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize