look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
