Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
