ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize