dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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