I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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