I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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