You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
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