I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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