I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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