From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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