If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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