well you can't waste a boner
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
