i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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