I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
