Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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