: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
