There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
