Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
