tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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