You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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