We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
