I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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