They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
it hurts more in the daytime
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
