I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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