wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
