i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
