I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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