the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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