Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Pooping to opera.
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