What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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