Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
