and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
