i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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