So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
