One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
