I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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