My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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