i barfeds in our rink
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
