i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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