I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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