let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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