i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
