YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
