Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
