I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
